Hindsight is always 20/20 – or so they say. But whoever made up that quip … I don’t think they had an addict in the house. Looking back doesn’t really make it any clearer.
Recently, a friend told me that she read this whole blog; so I decided to come back here and read it myself from the start. I has been a few years and I was wondering what I would think. I tried reading as if I was a stranger to the story, which wasn’t very hard to do. I felt like I was a stranger to the story!
Here are some things I noticed:
- The child who was in the most trouble (or causing the most heartache) got all the press – with only a few exceptions.
- Insomnia inspires blogging.
- Drug addiction sucks – for everyone in the family.
- I was in some real denial even when I thought I had stopped being in denial.
- This place and all of you here in blogland helped me preserve some sanity. Thank you.
- My journey really has been God-centered.
- The severity of the crisis made it seem (to me, at the time) like all this addiction stuff had been going on for years, when it was only one year from when I discovered the problem to when I chose to move away. (That left me feeling bad; like I gave up too soon – but I let that go quickly too).
- I have so much to be grateful for.
Another popular saying: ”Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.” Good advice. There’s nothing I (we) can do about the past. Eyes straight ahead – forward, march!
I need advice: A facebook “friend” (who is more of an acquaintance) recently posted “What happened to all my spoons?” My first response was to private message her to suggest that there might be an addict in her midst. But I don’t know her very well. My second thought was to casually ask, “Have your spoons always gone missing, or is this new misbehavior on their part?” And then, depending on the answer, I would decide about initiating a private conversation.
So my question is: Should I enter this further or should I mind my own business?
I think this is the most dangerous word. It traps me in the past and keeps me from moving forward with action. It expresses my natural desire to make sense of life, but it’s insistence on an answer leaves me feeling inadequate and, often, sad.
Recently, I’ve met some people who have lost family members due to addiction. They ask this question and I don’t have an answer. I only have guesses. And I can’t even say “I know how you feel” because as close as I’ve come (very close) to this, I haven’t lived it. I only have guesses. And sometimes guesses just aren’t enough.
”Why” is a trap … a temptation … perhaps even a hiding place. It hangs out with Anger and Blame way too often and doesn’t play fair. ”Why” is an Alpha Male with an ego that doesn’t take “no” for an answer.
Better questions to ask are: “What” (do I do now); “How” (will I move forward); “Who” (will I ask for support); “When” (will I take steps to help myself heal). But there I go again, talking, like I know what I’m talking about. It’s my theory. My guess. I wish I had a wand to wave and make it all better. But all I have are guesses.
God bless you all; and know you’re in my prayers every day.
Today I saw a commercial for a t.v. movie about a girl who searches for her addict sister on the streets of some city. It brought me right back to those days, now years ago, when I drove the streets of my city and neighborhood always wondering when and if I’d ever see my son again.
I’m far from those days now. But that commercial stirred my heart and got me thinking about you parents out there who are just starting this walk. Maybe you are wondering if your child is using drugs. Maybe you know it but can’t quite face it yet, or maybe you can’t help but face it because your child is gone … along with your money, your peace and the dreams you had for your family.
I’m here to tell you I’ve been in that tunnel where all you can see is darkness for miles. And I’m here to tell you that there is another side to the tunnel where there is light again. Things on that other side don’t look the same as they did when you entered. You will grieve many losses. But you will have the light of blessings again – if you allow yourself to experience them…if you seek connection with others…and if you enter your own recovery.
Yes, you will need to recover from addiction even though you’re not the one taking the drugs. So I encourage you – enter your recovery. Let people help you. As a first step, join us here on the blogs. We’ve been there – we still are walking it. Just a note to let you know. God bless.
One reason it is helpful to see a counselor or work with a coach or pair up with an accountability partner at church is that we often get locked into one way of seeing things and we don’t even realize there are other choices. One example is how we often see limitations where they don’t exist – because we look at life with a limited, earthly perspective rather than an eternal, spiritual perspective.
We always have the choice to see things differently, and often that frees us up to take action in a situation where we feel stuck, or to extend forgiveness where we might have been holding onto anger. But it’s easier to maintain our faith and our perspective if we have other people in our lives to help.
No need to walk alone or live in frustration. God’s view offers renewal and hope. It’s all about perspective.
God goes with me wherever I go;
My home is wherever I am.
Actually, “luck” is not something I believe in, but when hooked with 13, it makes a good catchphrase. I’m excited about this year. I feel a new energy and am ready to move forward in life.
Are you open to seeing possibilities wherever you go?
For me, 2012 was a year of deep healing. I’m calling ’13 “The Year of Infinite Possibilities!” That might seem far off to some of you, especially if you’ve come here during a time when your addict is active or your discovery of addiction in your family is new. But I promise you that healing is available to you and yours.
I’ve signed up for a Christian Life Coaching Certificate program. I’m very excited about this…an effort on my part to grow who I am with a goal of helping others as well.
A blessing for you all as we enter a new year together: May God bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May He lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace. Amen.